As the issue was a personal one there was nothing they could do, and there would be no further discussions about the matter when I came back to the office. The HR rep expressed sympathy about what was happening and told me that the company’s leadership had looked into the matter to see if disciplinary action would be in order. I was sure that nothing I had done had any legal or professional ramifications, but I wanted to explain everything and ask if there would be any consequences for what was happening. The first two were to my pastor and therapist and the third was to the HR representative for my employer. The day my ex’s blog post hit on social media, I made three phone calls. Because when my behavior spread across the internet like wildfire, what I didn’t expect was that it would render me unemployable more than a year later. This is about what happens after the violation-the long shadow that a lie can cast over a life. When she aired me out online, I had to accept the loss of my social reputation and my friends. When my ex learned about my infidelity, I had to accept the loss of our relationship. I can only do that for myself and for the woman whose trust I violated. I will be sorry for the pain and embarrassment I caused her, her family, our friends, and my family for the rest of my life. I was a coward for betraying the woman I loved, for letting my body speak what I didn’t have the spine to say. A real man, an honest man, would tell his partner he wasn’t ready for marriage-not cheat to get out of it. While that may be true - I thought getting married was something a man my age was supposed to want-it doesn’t excuse my despicable actions. People often tell me I cheated because I didn’t want to get married. I gaslit her, her family, my family, the other women, our mutual friends, and anyone who followed our relationship on social media, where I’d built a brand giving advice on how to be a “good man.” Poisoned by narcissism, I sought validation from other women. “He will have another story to tell,” she wrote. The words she used to describe me - narcissistic, manipulative - torched me. The post as well as her tweet about it went viral. Four months later she shared her story in a post on our wedding website, describing in excruciating detail the pain I caused her, showing the graphic text messages I sent to another woman and generally reading me for filth. She called the wedding off and ended our relationship for good. Last year, my fiancée discovered that I had been unfaithful to her. The only way to start is at the beginning.
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